An Open Letter From The 12 Year Old Gamer Who Banged Your Mom

06/15/2018 Ron Tijuana Sr.

If you’ve ever played games on the internet, you’ve definitely run into a little 12 year old turd informing you that he’s banged your mom. I used to think that this was some sort of exaggerated meme or pop culture reference – surely there is no way that so many 12 year old Call of Duty players are having sex with our mothers, right?

The truth is oh so disturbing my friends. A recent scientific study shows that in an average gamer’s lifetime, a random 12 year old from Xbox Live will have sex with your mother 5.8 times. Think your foster mom is safe? Nope. Any maternal figure in your life will without a doubt get it on with a screechy pre-teen who just kicked your ass online. Deal with it, that just happened.

In the time it takes to read this article, 93 gamer moms have been banged in the United States alone.

I wanted to dive deeper into this ghastly sexual revolution, so I scoured the internet for more information on these young studs who are beating up our mothers guts on a daily basis. What I found changed my entire opinion on these misguided but thoughtful young men.

An open letter from a young gamer named Kyler, explaining why he bangs people’s moms:

“Dear internet stranger that I just teabagged because you suck and I’m lit af, I want you to know why I banged your mom.

I banged your mom because I’m hurting on the inside and my stepdad is a dick who took me off his Netflix account.

I banged your mom because video games are my escape in life, and they’re the only thing I feel like I’m good at – besides fucking your mom. WITH DEEP STROKES.

I banged your mom because I’m bored, and I can. Next time it will be your dad. jk.. You wish, gaylord.

I banged your mom because you are weak and everyone knows it. You got wrecked by a 12 year old. You’re like twice as old as me but 10 times shittier lol.

I banged your mom because Rosanne got taken off the air and I don’t get why. So fuck you.

I banged your mom because I’m your daddy. Your k/d ratio is trash, just like you.

I banged your mom because it makes me feel powerful. When I start developing sperm I’m gonna make you a little brother. So I can kick his ass next and then bang his mom, which is your mom.

I banged your mom because I need a new XBox Live membership and she does anything I tell her, because I bang her so good.

I banged your mom because I want you to cry at night. I want you to feel like a loser while you listen to the rhythmic sounds of my balls slapping against your mom through the paper thin walls of your childhood bedroom (which you still live in because you’re a big ass man-child who still lives with his mom that I bang).

I banged your mom because.. well..

If you really want to know why I banged your mom, I have two letters for you: EZ”

THIS IS THE GREATEST GENERATION.

Debate me in the comments, cowards.